Procrastination: A Procrastinator’s Guide to Procrastinating

Many teachers and figures of authority may preach the importance of managing your time efficiently and may criticize you for procrastinating, but I’m here to tell you, as a professional procrastinator, that it’s okay. Procrastination isn’t something that should be ridiculed or feared, but enjoyed and encouraged. With the right tools at your side and a strong mindset, you too can be a professional procrastinator and survive.

Delay, delay! More time to play! 

Mental to-do lists can help organize a bit of the chaos of everyday life, but the order and necessity of the entries aren’t important. In fact, more work can be completed when you are forced to complete it all in a few hours. Sure, while this delay method can cause a heap of stress that could affect your mental and physical health, it’s worth it for the benefit of productivity. That’s right, procrastination doesn’t mean you aren’t productive. If you play your cards right, procrastination will become your only method of productivity. When rushed to complete work at the last minute, you are more motivated to be finished so you can finally catch up on all the sleep you lost procrastinating. Time-wise, with procrastination, you have a majority of stress-free days with only a few days at a time of severe mental and emotional stress, which can be easily slept off. Luckily for professional procrastinators, sleeping is one of our greatest talents.

Methods of procrastination: Tricks of the trade!

Perhaps you already consider yourself a professional procrastinator. You’ve been procrastinating basically your whole life, but are coming at a loss of ways to avoid work that needs to be done. Fortunately for you, I happen to have a plethora of procrastination techniques that I use on a daily basic.

Compulsive Netflixing. If you were ever looking for a way to lose yourself in endless hours of marathons and terrible life decisions, than Netflix is your salvation. With a nearly endless supply of instant streaming access, it’s easy to forget your responsibilities and let the movies play on. However, I prefer to go the serial route. Becoming a professional serial killer would be a unique method for procrastination, but I am referring to television series. Ah, the joy of joining a fandom. Fandoms are fuel for the soul of Procrastination and should be embraced posthaste(or maybe later, you might be feeling a bit peckish). The beauty of watching or starting a new TV series on Netflix is that it has auto-play. That way, if you ever start to decide maybe you should get some actual work completed, a new episode will have already started and you will be sucked back in to a comatose state and lose yourself, as well as any motivation you might have been experiencing previous, in the glorious world of fictional characters.

Tea Break! There’s nothing like taking a completely unnecessary, unearned tea break. Depending on how you like your tea, the time spent procrastinating varies. Brewing tea, the best way to drink it, will take up the most time, calculating in the perfect soak time for the tea bag and the time spent adding in the desired sweetening. If you aren’t particularly a fan of tea, you can easily substitute your preferred beverage. Or, you could just declare a generic Snack Break instead and use the time to get in your daily junk food calories.

Spontaneous Cooking! Not to be confused with the Snack Break, spontaneous cooking is when you get the urge to express yourself creatively. Spontaneous cooking shouldn’t be rushed. It’s an art, and it should be treated as such. Therefore, it is best if you spend several minutes searching the internet to cool new recipes to try for yourself. You don’t have to be a good cook to participate in the Spontaneous Cooking Method. In fact, it’s probably better if you’ve never cooked a day in your life. That way, more time will be wasted when you enevitably have to clean up your demolished kitchen.

Read this and learn well, my grasshopper. Granted, there may be other articles discouraging Procrastination and warning of its danger, and you are welcome to seek out those tales and see if the fruit tastes as sweet on the opposite side of the rainbow. Well, you might want to take a nap first.


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